Kyoto and Oosaka

So, I spent some time in Osaka and Kyoto this weekend. It was my first time in the very old city of Kyoto, and I didn't get to spend nearly enough time there. I went to visit my friend Taka, who I met in Denver when we were both college students. He came to visit me a few weeks ago in Tanabe, and I returned the favor this weekend. Most of my culture shock in Japan has been concerning transportation, money and bathrooms, and this weekend added a little more voltage to the current. When I arrived to Kyoto, I had some trouble finding the station closest to Taka’s apartment, so he agreed to pick me up on his motorbike. 二人乗り(futari nori-two people riding on a bike) is common in Japan even on a bicycle, but I had never tried to be the second person, especially with a backpack and a laptop strapped across my shoulders. SO Taka shows up on his bike:

In Japan, this is what we call a モンキーバイク(monki-baiku or, in the ENGLISH pronounciation, Monkey Bike). I immedialtly think, “Well, I guess I should take a picture so that the police will be able to identify the cause of death from the mangled pile of flesh, bone, metal and rubber that we are about to become.” The worst part of riding on this particular bike as a second person is that there are only foot pedals for the first person. We made it about 200 yards before I started yelling “怖い！怖い！” (Ko-wai! Ko-wai!) which of course means “I think I’m gonna crap my pants or have a heart attack!(in an abbrieviated sense)!” My legs started cramping and I was afraid I was gonna drag them on the concrete doing 40 MPH so I made him pull over and I took a train the rest of the way to his house and he took his bike back home. When I arrived, his apartment was normal as far as tiny studio apartments go (my apartment is HUGE for Japan), but it had an unexpected twist.

I was happy to see that he had a western toilet (see the toilet report on the left), but when I felt like taking a shower, he pointed to this:

I was like huh? He said, I don't have a shower or a bathtub. Then, I was like WHAT? They rent apartments that don't have showers or bathtubs in Japan? Taka either uses the micro-shower that came with his apartment (sink) or goes down the street to a community bathhouse where he can jump naked into a big pool full of other naked men. Not something to look forward to after you come home tired from work if you ask me. I was baffled as to why Taka would even settle for an apartment like this, and he just told me that it is just a basic part of Japanese culture. I suggested that just maybe Japanese culture might be stupid, and he countered that I was a stupid American. We then settled our argument with an Othello board and the final result was:
Japanese Culture is Stupid: Two wins
Erich is a Stupid American: ONE win
Take THAT Japanese Culture!
Taka, I love you, but you are INSANE!

Later, when I went back to Oosaka to go shopping with a friend of mine. I found a new favorite store. My frined called it the French Connection, which of course has the acronym FC. The full name and the full acronym however is what strikes me as funny. It is the French Connection United Kingdom.
F.C.U.K.

Am I the only one that thinks this looks strange?


A SALE? What exactly are we receiving a discount on?


Excuse me ma’m, whats in the bag?


Would you flirt with a girl wearing this shirt? I WOULD!!!


Yeah, this is what i think of fashion too...

And for my readers that don't know much about French and British relations, they HATE each other. Their shores are about 50 miles apart directly north and south of each other, but they are in different time zones. This makes the whole name choice even more ridiculous by a factor of ten. It would be like The Plantation Owner and Happy Slaves Connection, or The Cortez and Happy Aztecs Connection. Just not exactly friendly.
Speaking of friendly, here is a store I was too scared to enter. I was afraid it was a trap and I was gonna get lynched!

Herrrre Whitey Whitey Whitey!

Anyway, look for the new picture links (coming soon) on the left and have many happy re-readings of my adventures.

Mine,
Erich von Meatleg
PS- Don't forget, Japanese culture is stupid and Erich is not a stupid American.